Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
