everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
