Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize