I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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