Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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