i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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