even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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