i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
