my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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