Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
