Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
