chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
