I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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