please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
