something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
