I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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