Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
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Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
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I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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