Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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