eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
