Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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