lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
