i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
