Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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