I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
