Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
