I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
