the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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