shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
