He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
