Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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