Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
