i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
