I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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