i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
