i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.