i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
