How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
