If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
