i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
