Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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