I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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