I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
