listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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