if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
