I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
