I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
