toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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