it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
