I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
