apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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