I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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