no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
