What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
