OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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