omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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