Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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