You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
