and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
