it wasn't lemon gatorade
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
