Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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