I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
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