YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
