What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
