I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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