Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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