He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
