the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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