ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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